So IVF #1 turned out to be a BFN. I said I wouldn’t, but I ended up taking a million HPT’s, what can I say, crazy took over. I tested at 4dpt to make sure the trigger hcg was gone, then I started with my first real test at 7dpt. I told my self it could still be too early. So I waited until 9dpt to test again, and same result. This is when I started to feel like it was going to be a negative no matter what. I tried to stay optimistic but had a gut feeling that it didn’t work.   I pretty much tested everyday including the morning of my beta (14dpt)…all negative. Excruciating that our clinic makes us wait a full 14 days, I know a lot of peoples test at 10+ days.  During the TWW I did exactly what they tell you not to do, and spent wayyyy too much time on Google, did not stay busy enough to keep my mind off things, and stressed to the max! All I can say is poor Brian! We ended up having 6 eggs left over to freeze to use with the next cycle.

The day after the official beta, we went to the urologist. She is confident that we can try again, but have to wait 6 months for him to heal, as surgical retrieval would be the only option again. She can repeat the same procedure and hope for a better quantity, or try a more invasive one to increase the odds of successful retrieval. She put him on some other meds to optimize his hormone levels and we go back in the end of April to try the PVS again to see if there are any swimmers in his sample, with the hopes that that will steer us in the right direction to which procedure to do with round 2. Theres no way to know why this time didn’t work, could’ve been poor sperm quality, but it also could’ve been just a statistic, as they frequently remind us that in a perfect cycle, the best shot is still 50/50.

Since the negative, we have been staying positive and looking forward to August. We keep saying that the last cycle was just a “practice run” with the hopes that the next one will have less stress, fewer surprises, and more babies.

I feel like an ass complaining about finances because I know some people have absolutely no insurance coverage. But here are my complaints anyway-I wish we could’ve paid upfront for any coinsurance/copays. Since the negative we have gotten most of our bills from the clinic for our procedures. Prior to, we didn’t pay anything, as they had to submit to insurance first. It just kinda sucks retrospectively paying hundreds of dollars for something that didn’t end up working. I’m glad its not more and that we have great insurance, but every time another bill comes its just a reminder that were still not pregnant!

On the bright side, I get to enjoy another summer of cocktails and a body that has not been taken over by hormones! I’m trying to eat better and exercise more to be in the best shape possible for round 2. Looking back, I will make sure I start stool softeners as soon as I start prenatals this time. I was taking the prescription ones which were super expensive, so I need to talk to them about OTC ones, I don’t really think there’s any difference.

Embryo Transfer

Soo we had our transfer on Monday. No AM phone calls to cancel..hooray!

I did what I was instructed and stopped to pee at a Burger King 75 min before my procedure (9am) then drank 16-20 ounces of water for my 10:15 procedure. Brian took his power wheelchair that day, which is large. I wanted him in there with me, so when they took us back they decided to have us wait for a larger room so they didn’t actually take us into the room until after 10:30. Doesn’t seem that long, but with a full bladder and body full of emotions and hormones, it seemed like an eternity! They finalllllly took us back, did some rearranging in the room and we were ready to get knocked up.
We were hoping for blastocysts but when we got there they said that of the 3 embryos 1 had stopped growing and 2 were morulas, which is what they are supposed to be at day 4. Because of this this, they suggested transferring both of them to increase our odds of pregnancy. Not what we hoped for, but trying to stay hopeful nonetheless. Not to mention the fear of twins! Holy shit! Brian asked what the odds of pregnancy are with morulas and the RE told him somewhere between 30-40% but that I had my young age going for me so maybe a little higher for us. Who knows if thats true or if she was just trying to make us feel more positive. Funny how in the infertility world I’m considered young, I’m 30, but to everyone else, especially my grandmother, my clock is ticking and I’m getting too old. I guess age is in the eye of the beholder….or something like that.
So I am now 3dp5dt in the dreaded two week wait. My beta is 3/7/16. No new symptoms or problems, just the breast tenderness that Ive had for a while. I do feel like I am hyperaware of what is going on inside my body. I never knew what it was like to feel an organ, but I definitely feel twinges in my ovaries and or uterus and can tell the difference. Crazy how aware of your body IVF makes you!
I keep going back and forth as to whether or not I will take a home pregnancy test before that or not. Part of me feels like I should in case it is negative, I will be the one seeing it, versus someone on the phone calling to tell me that. On the other hand, i feel like no matter what it come out as I will convince myself in my head that it could be a false reading and I won’t truly know until the blood test, so who knows. I feel like I get crazier with each passing day, so we shall see!! Anyone else do a home test before their beta? Why or why not?

We also have our follow up with the urologist on 3/8/16 to see what our future options are should this cycle fail or end in a singleton pregnancy, as we would love to have at least 2 kids.